FIVE FINGER FRIENDSHIP

A cousin once told me that people she could count her closest truest friend on one hand.  At the time, I must have been about 14, I thought she was mad and must be rather lonely with only four or five friends. I had plenty and couldn’t even imagine whittling them down to five.

As I got older and progressed through school and then to uni, I indeed found that I had an ever changing and evolving group of friends, with many promises to stay friends forever being broken and made again with people anew. I guess a lot of people cement their friendships at different times, and I thought I had found my dearest whilst trying to pass my degree at Portsmouth University. I was finally with people who I felt understood the real me. I had their back and they had mine. That was until I came back to London and my friends followed their own paths indifferent directions. Sure we tried to stay in touch and made a real effort to remain close. But once the easy access of living down the road from one another, and spending all our free time in our favourite hangouts together came to an end, our friendships soon became too much hard work and we stopped calling each other.

 

A few work colleagues and industry friends have made the transition to good friends, and a couple are now very dear to me, despite one of them moving twice in the last year and our friendship blossoming over Skype. But on the whole, work is work and play is play in job where personality is a business asset used daily. Sometimes in such lines of work, it is difficult to differentiate between real friendship and business affinity.

I don’t claim that this is the case for everyone, but I guess this is how I have come to understand what my cousin said to me then. I am so fortunate to have some amazing people in my life. I have great friends and a number of amazing personalities that I come across every day at work and popping up from my past. But I suppose that as I have grown and understood who I am, and have built up a sense of self and strength of character, the people who are dearest have become more apparent.  It’s the friend who still remembers the jokes from when we were five. It is the friend who can tell when I am in a mood and knows how to get my mind off it. In the company of my dearest friend I can bear their annoying mate and even treat him like a loved one. My closest mate is one I can’t go more than ten days without seeing. And those friends I will always have time for, as I presume they would for me.

I may be a social butterfly and have a lot of people I consider friends, and some I wish I didn’t have to. But my cousin is right, the few nearest friends keep me sane, safe and happy, and they are all I need. 

MR RIGHT - WHY FIRST DATES SHOULD START WITH DRINKS

I have learnt the hard way that when meeting a guy for the first time, do not commit to dinner straight of the bat. It is always better to meet for a drink and then leave time for dinner later, if things are going well. If they aren't, then finish the drink and call it a night.

I wish I had stuck to the rule when I met this guy online. He was cute, tall dark and handsome and I suspected that there was a great personality behind the looks. Oh how wrong I was. We met up and made our way to the restaurant for dinner. We ordered our food and began our conversation the way so many do, with enquiries about family, jobs and interests. I asked my tall date what he did for a living, and was pleased to find we work in the same industry. Asking how he got into it, I was a little taken aback to find that he had been forced into it. After a little probing, I was informed that my date never really wanted to work and that, WHEN HIS PARENTS SECURED HIM AN INTERVIEW, he would book tickets to visit friends up north, or even book flights to India to avoid securing a job. After realising that he wasn't joking, I was shocked. I have had to move around and work my butt off during the recession and here is somebody who has not determination or drive whatsoever. For me, there is nothing less attractive than somebody without a passion.

After this very early admission, I struggled to even make small talk let alone find something of interest. And in not just meeting for drinks, I was stuck waiting for my main course and dreading how the rest of the date would go. I tried to make small talk to see us through the rest of the evening. /but the final blow was dealt when Mr Unambitious told me how hilarious he found his grandmother's burping and farting habits. I wanted to put my fork down, grab my coat and ask for the bill, which I would have made him pay for. Not only did this good looking guy not want to work, he had no idea of social etiquette. How had I not picked up on this when we spoke before?

I know not every guy is like this, and hope that there are some single guys who know what not to say or do over dinner. But I think next time I will stick to meeting for a drink and taking it from there.